The Loss of Kindness
Kindness.
What a word.
To be full of kindness to the point of overflowing, to forgive again and again, and accept the unacceptable, to love the unlovable, to hope when it is hopeless. To me, all these things fall under the umbrella of kindness.
One of my favorite books of the Bible is Ephesians, written by the apostle Paul to the church in Ephesus.
In chapter four of the book of Ephesians, Paul has a subheading entitled, “Instructions for Christian Living.” He writes
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you” – Ephesians 4:32
There are plenty of kind people, plenty of good-hearted, well-meaning people all around us, yet at the same time, very few of them know how to be kind to themselves.
Kindness, although outwardly extended, can veil bitterness, resentment, and anger within the individual regarding the view of the self.
I am very hard on myself. I could forgive other people for monstrous things, yet saying an unkind thing to another person before thinking it through, leaves me thinking about my actions, words and self-identity for weeks on end.
Before Ephesians 4:32, Paul states,
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice” – Ephesians 4:31
Bitterness, rage, and anger well up inside all of us, especially those of us who are hard on ourselves when we are not perfect all the time. Forcing us to think, how I could slip up so easily? How I could be so cruel? How could I be so unkind? How could I say that, that wasn’t like me at all! Or is this really who I am? Do I have a hidden agenda, a hidden unkind bone in my body?
Are we snowballing, yet? I feel like we’re snowballing?
This is what our brains do when riddled with self-doubt, rage, anger, anxiety, bitterness, etc. We turn the smallest act of unkindness, say, forgetting to throw a paper plate away at an outdoor barbeque, and turn into, “Oh no! The world is going to look like the opening scene of “Wall-E” because I forgot to throw my paper plate away at the barbeque. And then we’re all going to have to live in a big spaceship in the galaxy while some poor little robot is all alone on earth cleaning up my mess and listening to the Hello, Dolly! soundtrack while his cockroach friend sleeps in a Twinkie!” (Hopefully, you guys have seen Wall-E, otherwise, that was probably the weirdest, most confusing two minutes of your life.).
Sounds ridiculous, right? But that’s the snowball effect.
That’s the loss of kindness within ourselves.
The world is not going to explode because you accidentally (or even purposefully) forgot to throw away your paper plate. The world is not going to implode because you said something completely innocent, but it came out the completely wrong way and now everyone’s looking at you funny.
The truth is, we all have a hidden unkind-bone in our body towards others occasionally, but it is always present regarding ourselves.
No one, and I mean no one, has been crueler to me than me.
The bitterness, rage, and anger steal away my self-kindness, and although outwardly I am a happy-go-lucky sunshine kind of gal, inwardly, I am a hot mess.
But then the questions arise. How do I move forward? How do I learn to become kind to myself when there is such a deep loss of kindness in that area of my life?
Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil” – Ephesians 5:15-16
By moving forward, still.
I have this mantra, so to speak, when I am going through a hard time: “Do better today than you did yesterday, do better tomorrow than you did today.”
It is an inward evolution of becoming more Christ-like, of shaking off the bonds of sin, anger, bitterness, resentment, and rage towards myself; by trying to make the most of every day, trying to combat unkindness with kindness itself.
Follow God’s example. Follow His Word.
Do better today than you did yesterday, do better tomorrow than you did today.
For who is Christ if not the embodiment and personification of our most needed trait?
What a word.
Kindness.
